


The Dumbass Haven

by crud, STARV1NG_ART1ST



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Group chat, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, but for now, but its funny, chat fic, its soft and crack filled, its stupid, nazi jokes, the angst arrived so, the nazi jokes are because of dolph not bc we're nazis, there will be a good bit of triggers in the future
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2020-07-08 07:10:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19865566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crud/pseuds/crud, https://archiveofourown.org/users/STARV1NG_ART1ST/pseuds/STARV1NG_ART1ST
Summary: On the last day of camp, Neil gets the idea to make a groupchat.Dumbass.





	1. Neil's Worst (Best) Idea Yet

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i'm gonna start by saying that i aged up all the characters by 3 years. i'll just put the age chart here:
> 
> -Max, Neil, Nikki, Nerris, Harrison: 14  
> -Space kid, Dolph: 13  
> -Ered: 17  
> -Nurf: 16  
> -Preston: 15 
> 
> and yes, this is pretty much a standard chatfic that my friend and i are working on together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil is collecting names.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, sorry lads, the first chapter is more exposition than chatfic
> 
> enjoy , though!

On the last day of camp, Max woke up with a god-awful groan. It sounded like he had just woken up from having a building dropped on him. If he’s fucking hungover from the goddamn juice box he drank last night

"Fuck!" Max heard a nasally voice call out, followed by the furious clacking of fingers against a keyboard; it was Neil. "My snake was so damn long and I just fucking lost it!"

"Neil, what the fuck are you doing?" Max sighed, sitting up in his bed. A shadow passed in front of their tent's entrance, and Nikki entered.

“What’s up, losers?” She grinned, plopping herself down on Max’s bed.

Max jumped out of bed, walking over to his coffee machine. “Don’t you fucking- Whatever, just give me a minute.” He took an uncomfortably long sip from his steaming coffee mug, and followed it up with a string of swears; it was really hot.

“Dude, chill,” Neil rolled his eyes, focused on his new round of whatever nerd game he was playing. “Maybe wait more than a few seconds next time?”

“Few more seconds for what?” Max said, finishing the remainder of the cup and moving to refill it.

Neil looked at Max, unfazed, and turned back to his computer. Nikki bounced on the bed, snorting. “For your coffee to cool down, idiot!” 

Max looked her dead in the eyes and took a third  _ long _ swig from his drink. “What coffee?” He slammed the empty mug on top of the machine and moved to sit on Neil’s bed, slightly more energized. 

“Anyway, like I said, what’s up, losers?” Nikki jumped into a sitting position on Max’s bed.

Neil didn’t even look up at her as he replied. “Well, I woke up Max, and I’m playing-”

“Yeah, I don’t care” Nikki interrupted. “It’s the last day!”

“You asked,” Neil remarked.

Nikki kept talking, ignoring Neil. “What are we gonna do? What’s gonna be our last adventure?”

Max frowned. “Last adventure?” He glared at her. “Why do you say it like that?”

A voice from outside their tent was heard, annoyingly high-pitched and bright. “Aw, Max! You do care!” Max and Neil swore as Nikki dove under Max’s bed. A tall, red-haired man poked his head into the tent, beaming. “I hope you’re both awake, we’ve got some last day activities!”

“Hey, David, you can take your ‘last day activities’ and shove them up your ass,” Max scowled, annoyed by his very presence.

David gasped. “Language! Anyway, I want this to be a very memorable day, as it is Ered’s last day at camp.”

“No way!” Nikki yelled, crawling out from under the bed.

“Nikki? What are you doing in this tent?” David shook his head slowly, frowning at the trio of 14-year-olds. “Now, I know you three are getting older, but-”

“No!” Max jumped up, slapping his hands over David’s mouth. “Nope! Fuck that! Get out! We’ll be at breakfast!”

~*~

Breakfast was only slightly less shitty than usual, and that was mostly because it was the last day, so Gwen and David could use the remainder of their budget for the year; some expired eggs and the quartermaster’s famous potatoes.

Neil angrily stabbed at his potatoes. “You know what, Fuck this! It’s the last day, let’s get our phones back!”

“What the hell’s the point?” Max questioned. “We can wait a few more hours until our parents come to pick us up from this god forsaken camp.”

“Good point, but I’m just saying: it could be the adventure Nikki wants and-”

“Hey David” Nikki yelled across the mess hall.

“Yes, Nikki?” David replied.

“Could we get our phones back, just for today? It’s what Ered would want.”

“Um, Nikki, Ered isn’t dead, it’s just her last day,” Gwen said.

“Eh, whatever! Either way, could we? Please!”

Gwen and David exchanged a look, and Gwen sighed. “Alright, just for today you guys can have them back, but if the police come, I swear to god, you guys won’t hear the end of it.”

Max’s head jerked up, turning to stare at the two councilors in shock. “Oh shit, really? Sweet.”

The children nearby  _ happened _ to overhear the conversation and joined Max in staring at the councilors.

“What?” David said, “I genuinely believe that Ered would enjoy herself more with her phone rather than doing anything else. It’s what you kids think is hip and dope.” As he spoke, he stood and threw up some gang signs with the confidence of a man who’s been to prison.

“Okay, I’m gonna stop you right there, David,” Max grimaced. “You were good for the first half, and then you ruined it; no kid uses hip anymore.”

“Seriously, David, what were you thinking?” Neil looked positively disgusted.

“I-I don’t know, I thought you guys would like something like that,” David said, looking around the room as if it would give him an excuse.

“Aw, David,” Nikki said with a pitying smile. “We don’t.” 

~*~

As soon as the campers had access to their cell phones, Camp Campbell was silent. Every now and again Nikki’s laughter rang throughout the room; she’d probably seen another cat video on ViewTube. 

After programming his third paper airplane drone, Neil got a bit bored and thought of an idea. “Hey Max, give me your phone.”

“What? No!” Max said, hiding the boob pictures on his screen. 

“Dude, just give it to me!” Neil scowled, reaching for the phone. Max quickly closed the tab he was in and handed his phone to Neil.

“What do you need the phone for anyway?” Max said, more than slightly annoyed.

“You know, we’re all pretty stupid.” Neil said, dodging the question. “Like, everyone here.”

“I know we are Neil! That’s why we’re stupid together.” Nikki said with a toothy grin, hooking her arms around the necks of Neil and Max.

“Yeah, anyway, we’ve been friends for three years now,” Neil handed Max his phone back, “and we’ve never exchanged numbers.”

“Oh. Damn, we really are stupid.” Max pursed his lips, nodding to himself. Neil took Nikki’s phone and exchanged numbers with her.

“Wow Neil, you really  _ are _ stupid,” Nikki said, retrieving her phone and seeing he had put his contact name as  _ NeilSpeil _ .

Neil ignored her and walked toward Ered and Dolf, asking for their numbers. They didn’t bother questioning it and happily obliged. He did the same with the rest of the campers until he got to Nurf, who demanded to know why  _ the nerd _ wanted his number.

“I just want to create a group chat for all of us so we can keep in touch during the school year;  _ also _ so that the first 3 or 4 days of camp aren’t super awkward, as they… usually are,” Neil said, motioning towards Nurf.

“Oh, well, that’s a completely legitimate reason. I’m sorry for questioning you so heavily, but I was experiencing a temporary lapse of judgement that caused me to lash out at you, despite how little you deserved it.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s okay dude.” Neil said.

Once Neil collected all the numbers, he created a group chat and named it  _ The Dumbass Haven _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! please leave kudos if you like it, or leave a comment or smth!  
> if you dont like it,,,, f, i guess


	2. The Staer of Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day one of the group chat....
> 
> also the flower scouts?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, this story is NO SHIPS
> 
> (except maybe sasha and tabii bc itd be really fucking funny)  
> anyway, enjoy this chapter!! starving artist and i really laughed way too hard while writing this, so i hope y'all will like reading it!  
> -crud
> 
> hey! i'm a shit artist but imma be working on this with him! i'm gonna have some art for this; it'll be shit, but it'll be art! and uhh, to call homage to something my co-creator has written in the past:
> 
> yeehaw  
> -starving artist

-The Dumbass Haven {9 Online}-

**Neilspeil:** Hey! Sound off in the chat please!

**I Pee On Trees:** HI I’M Nikki!

**The Real Magic Kid:** hey! I’m Harrison

**RollTheDie:** _ WHAT THE FUCK HARRISON _

**Shakespeare:** that’s Nerris, I, on the other hand, am Preston

**Aderol:** Hey, its Ered

**I Pee On Trees:** EEREWD

**richard:** yo

**Goodboi69:** Guys I just want to let you know that I will try to participate when I can, also this is Nurf

**richard:** thats cute

**A Dolf:** Hey guys how do I change my username, I spelt mein name wrong

**A Dolf:** oof sorry, autocorrect

**richard:** no bitch tf

**I Pee On Trees:** Hey wait…….

**I Pee On Trees:** Max isn’t here

**richard:** bruh moment

**I Pee on Trees:** Also, who’s richard

**richard:** me bitch

**I Pee On Trees:** Oh, HIU!

**Neilspeil:** Hh, that’s Max

**I Pee On Trees:** HI!*

**richard:** dude why;d you expose me

**Neilspeil:** Because you’re an ass

**richard:** damn ma is it that serious

**Shakespeare:** uncivilized sespians

**richard:** alriht bitvh listen up

**Shakespeare** ’s name has been changed to  **Wannabe Shakespeare**

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** BITCH

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** HOQ DI I HANEGE IT BSCK

**A Dolf:** I’m asking the same question

**richard:** _fuck you_

**Aderol:** bruh chill

**richard:** you can fuck off too

**Aderol:** _ damn, so uncool _

**Neilspeil:** Ered, back off.

**I Pee On Trees:** shit whose side do i take

**Neilspeil:** Dude, just stay out of it

**I Pee On Trees:** Guess So

**Aderol:** no, bitch, you’re on my side

~*~

-Floral Foragers {3 Online}-

**buttercup:** OMG guyzzz what are we gonna do this summer

**blossom:** OMG Tabii chill we’re all going to the same high school with all the cute guys

**Bubbles:** Um, actually, summer ends in, like, three days. We already wasted our summer.

**buttercup:** Erin what the fuq lemme enjoy my summer with my hot bod

**blossom** : Erin Tabii seriously shut the fuck up, we have to spend the next few days stalking out some guys at Hanji High

**buttercup:** ooooooooooooooooooooo exoticccccccccccccccccccccccccccc

**Bubbles:** Actually, guys, I’m going to FLA 

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** wait

**buttercup:** YOUREGOINGTOTHATSMARTPEOPLESCHOOL

**blossom:** Ew tabbi spamming is for ugly people

**buttercup:** sorry Sasha but what about Erin, she’s practically ditching us we've been together for the past 9 years what makes this year so different

**Bubbles:** We’re going to high school this year, since colleges look at you’re high school career and gpa’s it looks better if I get into a smarter school

**Buttercup:** SO What, YOU WANT A SEXY REPORT CARD

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {9 Online)-

**richard:** nikki if you take her side i won’t get you that weird hunting knirfe you asled for

**Aderol:** uh, that’s bribery?

**richard:** and it works, you piece of shit

**I Pee On Trees:** ...oh h-e-double-hockey-sticks YeaH IT DOes

**richard:** see? Maybe, when you try to control someone get to know them next time

**richard:** i mean, at least a  _ little  _ bit, even  _ i _ know something about everyone at that camp

**richard:** more than one something, actually

**Aderol:** ugh, so uncool

**Aderol:** tiny dick ass

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** and, to literally no one’s surprise, MAX WON THAT FIGHT

**richard:** bet

**Goodboi69:** …. How much do you know?

**A Dolf:** _Oh… He knows a l l_

**Roll The Die** ’s name has been changed to  **The Official Magic Kid**

**The Official Magic Kid:** wh a t does that m e an

**I Pee On Trees:** I think we all know what it means

**richard:** heell yeah

**The Real Magic Kid:** we really don’t

**Goodboi69:** I think I get it

**Goodboi69:** Small brain fools

**Goodboi69:** Sorry, lapse of judgement

**A Dolf:** _ we know what it means _

**The Official Magic Kid** : _ wE REALLY DO N T _

**Neilspeil:** Sucks to be you, I guess

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {2 Online}-

**The Real Magic Kid:** @ **The Official Magic Kid** wtf dude

**The Official Magic Kid:** fuck you

**The Real Magic Kid:** you wish dude

**The Official Magic Kid:** dude thats fucking gross

**The Official Magic Kid:** mY MOM SAW TEH TEXT OH SHIT OH FCUL

**richard** is online!

**richard:** oh that shit sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! don't be afraid to leave a comment, those are super cool! they motivate us to write more lmao, and the crackhead energy here is pretty gosh diddly darn strong so your comments will Not instill fear (and yes, you can take that as a challenge).
> 
> -crud and starving artist


	3. try the p r i e s t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh dear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're way too proud the jokes we made

-The Dumbass Haven {7 Online}-

 **The Official Magic Kid:** Ugh school starts in like, a week

 **richard:** bruh the people who are going to the academy started yesterday

 **Goodboi69:** What academy

 **richard:** FLA, its basically a school for overachieving assholes

 **richard:** otherwise known as neil

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** Oh yes I applied there but I couldn’t get past the interview

 **richard:** figures

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** excuse me?

 **richard:** well you never were the smartest camper

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** I’m going to stop you right there, I was applying for humanities but bombed the math portion of the test

 **richard:** uh huh

 **Goodboi69:** Guys I will not wait here and watch you guys slander each other over trivial matters

 **Goodboi69:** Now I will wait here until you both apologize

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** I fail to see what I have to apologize for

 **richard:** fine im sorry you weren’t smart enough to get into that school

 **richard:** also for being a dick, ig

 **Goodboi69:** There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?

 **richard:** whatever 

**richard:** and preston, you ass, he said you have to do it too

 **richard:** i wanna see you _groveling_

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** And what the hell am i apologizing for?

 **Goodboi69:** _SAY SORRY PRESTON_

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** Fucking amateur-

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** Max, I am so very sorry for whatever the hell I said this time

 **The Official Magic Kid:** owo What’s this

 **richard:** alright im gonna stop you right there-

 **The Real Magic Kid:** You disgust me

 **The Official Magic Kid:** stfu Harrison, you’re not even my real dad

 **I Pee On Trees:** wH ats a dad???

 **NeilSpiel:** Oof

 **richard:** oop-

 **I Pee On Trees:** Its a joke, chill

~*~

-The Floral Foragers {2 Online}-

 **buttercup:** Erin what the fuck why’d you ditch me

 **blossom:** Tabii shut up

 **buttercup:** but shsasha erin was supposed to agetice creame with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 **blossom:** Holy shit tabii shut the fuck up Erin has better things to do than hang out with you

 **buttercup:** sasha your such a bitch

 **buttercup:** erin told me yesterday

 **blossom:** tabii your so fucking stupid Erin has school today

 **buttercup:** Okay Sasha i just thought I was ckise enough friends wuth erin for her to tell me that she has school

 **buttercup:** Fuck you sasha

 **buttercup:** You piece of shit

 **buttercup:** Go fuck yourself

 **blossom:** whoa tabii

 **blossom:** What the fuck

 **blossom:** Calm thy tits

 **buttercup:** stop pretending to be smart with that ‘thy’ talk

 **blossom:** um tabii

 **blossom:** why dont you suck my dick

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {7 Online)-

 **The Official Magic Kid:** HARRISON WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SEND ME

 **The Real Magic Kid:** IM SORRY THAT WASNT MEANT FOF YOU

 **richard:** wtf did he send you a dick pic or smth

 **The Official Magic Kid:** nO HE JUST SENT ME A FUCKING PITURE OF SHREK AND THEN SAID ‘WHAT IF I MOVE INTO YOUR MINECRAFT SWAMP BIOME COVERS BLUSH’ THIS IS SO AWFUL

 **The Real Magic Kid:** IT WAS MEANT FOR MY OTHER FRIEND

 **The Official Magic Kid:** YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS

 **richard:** oh that sounds like it was meant for me

 **Goodboi69:** okay nerris that was a bit too far

 **The Real Magic Kid:** yeah nerris

 **richard:** why do yall fully switch personalities the moment you catch a v a g u e g l i m p s e of one another wtf

 **The Official Magic Kid:** Um Max, sorry, but is your charisma modifier higher than 20 plus 6 proficiency bonus???

 **The Official Magic Kid:** Cuz mine is

 **richard:** i genuinely have no goddamn clue what the fuck you just said to me

 **The Official Magic Kid:** Maybe read a book every now and again

 **richard:** ……

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** nerris, don’t be fucking r u d e

 **A Dolf:** do you guyz know where i can get some jewlato

 **A Dolf:** gelato* sorry lol

 **richard:** …………….

 **richard:** wtf

 **A Dolf:** i’m serious, guyz, plz, i’m really hungry

 **Goodboi69:** um dolph

 **Goodboi69:** You don't eat jewlato when you're hungry

 **Goodboi69:** DAMN IT YOU GOT ME DOING IT TOO

 **A Dolf:** what do you mean??

 **A Dolf:** of course you eat jewlato when you’re hungry

 **A Dolf:** sorry again, autocorrect, jewlato*

 **A Dolf:** jewlato*

 **A Dolf:** fucking autocorrect

 **A Dolf:** jewlato*

 **A Dolf:** FUCK

 **A Dolf:** gelato*

 **A Dolf:** FINALLY

 **richard:** i’m very uncomfortable for neil rn

 **Aderol:** I'm

 **Aderol:** So concerned

 **A Dolf:** Hey

 **A Dolf:** Where's the green one

 **richard:** the,,,, green one???

 **A Dolf:** Yes, ze green one

 **A Dolf:** Girl neil

 **r** **ichard:** oh shit nikki

 **richard:** shes at that pretentious fucking school

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** how the F U C K did nikki get in

 **richard:** shes sport

 **The Real Magic Kid:** s p o r t

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** My skills of the theatre were proven to be

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** Not enough

 **The Official Magic Kid:** oof, roll for damage

 **Aderol:** fucking lame

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {1 Online)-

 **Nielspiel:** Dolph what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell which jokes we're way too proud of??


	4. cowards can relate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its the first day of school

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! this chapter has a good bit of dialogue outside of texting, but its useful info to have, i think?? idk tbh,,, uhh sorry for the long wait, but it took a real long time to edit some parts of this, which was rough haha

-The Dumbass Haven {9 Online}-

**richard:** hey

**richard:** does anyone know where i can get a uhhhhhh

**richard:** thing of bleach

**NeilSpiel:** Max, what the fuck.

**richard:** what?

**richard:** i ran out

**I Pee On Trees:** Ma x youre gonna give me freaking heart attacl

**richard:** why??? I just need some fucking bleach, i dirtied my mom’s white towel

**richard:** she’s gonna k i l l me where the heLL can i get some bleach

**The Real Magic Kid:** Max, do you realise that could be misconstrued??

**richard:** yeah yeah sorry whatever

**richard:** if i dont bleach this fucking towel my mom is going to bleach it and then pour the excess down my throat wHERE CAN I BUY SOME FUCKING BLEACH

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {2 Online}-

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Hey guys I think I recognize someone in my econ class

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Yea, yea he kinda looks like max

\------

Max subtly turned his head, seeing Preston typing on his phone enthusiastically. “ _ Fuck _ !” He screamed, quickly covering his mouth shortly after.

\------

-The Dumbass Haven {1 Online}-

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Oh shit it was max

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** He yelled  _ fuck _ really loudly

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** The teacher just took him outside

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** I think they took his phone

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Max was your phone on  _ do not disturb _

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Oh wait

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Guys dont text for a bit, Im pretty sure max’ll get his phone by the end of the period so yea, wait about an hour

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** I apologize on his behalf

~*~

-The Floral Foragers {2 Online}-

**Bubbles:** Um tabbi

**buttercup:** ITS TABII WITH 2 I’s NOT 2 B’s

**Bubbles:** But tabii, you have 1 eye

**Bubbles:** Remember when it got stabbed

**Bubbles:** By a fork

**buttercup:** Erin that’s besides the point

**Bubbles:** Anyway Tabii, would you mind if I sit next to Neil

**buttercup:** WHAT?!

**buttercup:** ERIN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

**buttercup:** WHY WOULD YOU SIT NEXT TO NEIL

**Bubbles:** I’m sorry Tabii the teacher put me next to him cuz we have similar last names and junk

**buttercup:** Um Erin

**buttercup:** Are you trying to tell me

**buttercup:** That YOU’RE in the same school

**buttercup:** As NEILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

**Bubbles:** Yea Tabii

**Bubbles:** We’re both going to FLA

**Bubbles:** We actually care about our education

**buttercup:** Erin are you trying to insigduate that I’m not edumacated

**Bubbles:** Um Tabii, insinuate and educated*

**Bubbles:** You literally proved my point

**buttercup:** SHADDUP ERIN

~*~

-The Floral Foragers {1 Online}-

**blossom:** Erin

**blossom:** Tabii

**blossom:** Shut the fuck up

**blossom:** You’re so fucking annoying

**blossom:** Ugh

**blossom:** DONT FUCKING IGNORE ME

\-------

A week into school Erin was fidgeting in her seat, sitting at the same lab table as Neil, who had yet to witness how she was acting. She was feeling guilt from their last interaction; turning towards Neil who was absorbed in a book, she gathered the courage to say something.

“Um, hey Neil,” she said, avoiding eye contact.

Neil, who was shocked that it was Erin sitting next to him, turned away from this book and greeted her. Despite holding a slight grudge against her, it would’ve been rude if he hadn’t said hi. After that short interaction, Neil returned to his book, and the teacher soon walked into class to take attendance.

“Nikki,” he said, after a short pause he looked up and repeated, “Nikki? Has anyone seen Nikki?”

“Wait, Nikki’s in this class?” Erin squinted at the teacher.

“Yeah,” Neil said, still reading the book.

Erin turned back to Neil, slightly hurt by how cold he was but unsurprised, considering… everything.

\-------

-The Dumbass Haven {2 Online}-

**NeilSpiel:** WTF, no one told me Erin went to FLA?

**I Pee On Trees:** Oh yeah, the flower scouts were talking about that in their gc

**NeilSpiel:** Nikki, what are you doing in their group chat?

**I Pee On Trees:** I was added 5 years ago, buut they never kicked me ouit

**I Pee On Trees:** So I’ve been jasper-ing ever since

**NeilSpiel:** Dude. Too soon.

**I Pee On Trees:** _ Dude  _ its been like

**I Pee On Trees:** ….

**I Pee On Trees:** 80 years

**NeilSpiel:** IT’S BEEN LIKE 10

**I Pee On Trees:** Okay, but that’s next to the point

**NeilSpiel:** Beside the point?

**I Pee On Trees:** Exactly

**I Pee On Trees:** Anyway I think Tabii is still into you

**NeilSpiel:** Wait what

**I Pee On Trees:** Yea, Tabii with 2 i’s despite only having 1 still likes you

**I Pee On Trees:** Or at least I think she does

**I Pee On Trees:** Cuz she got mad when Erin said she was sitting next to you

**I Pee On Trees:** By the way what class was that

**NeilSpiel:** It was Bio

**NeilSpiel:** Now that I think about it where were you

**I Pee On Trees:** Oh I was playing rugby

**NeilSpiel:** What?

**I Pee On Trees:** Its this really weird british game

**I Pee On Trees:** I dont really get it

**Goodboi69** is online!

**Goodboi69:** Rugby is a game with two teams, each consisting of fifteen players. Each team can carry, pass or kick the ball to the end zone to score as many points as possible. The team scoring the greater number of points is the winner of the match.

**I Pee On Trees:** Yea

**I Pee On Trees:** british football

\-------

Nurf turned away from his phone and sighed. He looked around the classroom, greeted only by unfamiliar faces. He groaned a bit and looked outside the window to his left as if he was an anime character. 

“Nurf!” The teacher yelled. “You failed my class last year, do you plan to repeat it again?”

“Nah, sir,” Nurf replied, still gazing out the window. The teacher returned his attention to the rest of the class. Nurf observed the happenings outside the small broken room that was his classroom. As he watched he saw a somewhat  _ familiar _ boy with a bowl cut walking towards the school's entrance. The boy looked up at Nurf and they locked eyes. Nurf finally recognized who this small boy was, it was Dolph.

His teacher’s voice cut through his observations. “ _ Nurf _ ! Please, do me a favor and  _ pay attention _ !” 

“Okay, teach, jeez, just ‘cause I’m not looking at you doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention to you.” Nurf shot back.

“Okay Nurf, tell me what was out there that was so much more interesting than my lesson.”

“There was a kid I recognized, that was all.”

“Oh, really? Want to tell me his name?”

“Dolph. The kid’s really into art, we go to the same summer camp.”

“Dolph? I don’t know him, is he an 8th grader?”

“Yeah,” Nurf said, losing interest in their conversation.

“Anyway,” the teacher returned to his lesson. Nurf glared at the man, but the thought of Dolph attending his school kept him entertained.

~*~

_ Phillips Academy, only the most prestigious school in the nation, those of the elite go to this school. From Preschool to 12th grade, Philips nurtures your child for a bright and better future. _

“Seniors! Today is the first day of your last year at Phillips! You’ve lasted this long so be sure to go out with a bang. Remember, you are each tasked with watching over an 8th grader, they are next year’s freshman so be sure to care for them.” The headmaster of the school yelled into an auditorium filled with what must have been 100 seniors.

Ered looked around the auditorium and sighed.  _ One more year, _ she thought as they were dismissed.

“Meredith, darling!” A girl ran toward Ered and aggressively hugged her. “Meredith, I haven't seen you since school ended last year! Where were you?”

“Oh. Amelia.” Ered leaned away from her, quiet disgust showing on her face. “I went to summer camp again... as I have for the past  _ 5 years _ … and we’ve had this conversation… every year…  _ for the past 5 years _ .”

“Really, Meredith? I’m  _ so _ sorry, darling, I can’t remember  _ anything _ like that!” Amelia latched onto her arm.

“It’s fine,” Ered said, her tone  _ not quite _ agreeing with her words.

“ _ Meredith _ !” A voice called from down the hall. “How many times do I have to tell you that school dress code states you cannot have that pink streak in your hair.” 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Swan, but it’s a fashion statement,” Ered stared at the wall next to Mr. Swan as she spoke. “If it makes you feel any better, I could tie my hair in a bun so it’s less visible and won’t influence the younger students?”

“Okay fine, for this week you can do that but I expect you to get rid of it.” 

“Yes Mr. Swan,” Ered said, lying through her teeth.

Before Mr. Swan left, he turned to Ered and said, “Oh, Meredith, since the 8th graders are coming today do me a favor and take one under your wing.”

“Yes, Mr. Swan.”

“Meredith, you’re not  _ actually _ going to take care of an 8th grader are you?” Amelia asked after Mr. Swan left.

“Depends,” Ered said, looking into the hall longingly.

\-------

-The Dumbass Haven {9 Online}-

**richard:** uh guys seriously where can I get some bleach

**richard:** i haven't been home in 3 days


	5. Max Has Small Dick Energy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> max has small dick energy, he's just a farmer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayyyy aahaha we're back after,,, a month and a half ahhaaha,,,,,
> 
> sorry!! big wait, little reward!! sorry!!
> 
> its funny though. at least. we thing so.

-The Dumbass Haven {8 Online}-

**I Pee on Trees:** MAX HAS small dick energy

richard is online!

**richard:** stop

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Why, its true

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Though she be but little, she is fierce

**richard:** the fuck did you jstt asy preston

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Its shakespeare you mongrel

**richard:** No shit sherlock

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Well I wasn't expecting you to understand, was I Watson.

**I Pee on Trees:** OHHH SHIT

**richard:** okay guys

**richard:** but seriously

**richard:** i havent been home in a week and a half

**richard:** where can I get some bleach

**The Official Magic Kid:** Wait, isnt your mom worried

**richard:** not important

**richard:** im g o i n g to d i e if I dont clean this fuCking towel

**The Real Magic Kid:** Damn is it really that serious

**richard:** Should I reiterate

**richard:** I HAVE NOT BEEN HOME

**richard:** IN ALMOST 2 WEEKS NOW

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Where have you been sleeping

**richard:** AT SCHOOL

**I Pee on Trees:** oh shit

~*~

-WoodScouts Troop #818 {4 online}-

**Beanz:** Um guys how do I work this

**Snake:** what do you mean

**Beanz:** this is my first phone so I dont know if Im doing this right

**Gas:** *grunting noises*

**Beanz:** well is the phone supposed to be this sweaty

**PikeMAN:** Uh, no I think thats just you

**Beanz:** But guys the phone keeps slipping

**PikeMAN:** CLEAN YOUR HANDS THEN!

**Beanz:** What good will that do, its the phone thats slippery

**Gas:** *grunting noises*

**PikeMAN:** Exactly Petrol

**Beanz:** I wiped my hands but the phone is really slick

**PikeMAN:** Gross dude

**Beanz:** Same wavelength

**Snake:** i get it

**PikeMAN:** i dont

**Gas:** *grunting noises*

**PikeMAN:** ohhhhh, cuz my face is gross and he is gross, I get it

**PikeMAN:** Wait

**PikeMAN:** fuck you guys

richard is online!

**richard:** guys can you shut the fuck up

**richard:** im getting all these notifications

**richard:** i cant find the bleach

**richard:** wHeRe Is ThE fUcKiNg BLEACH

**PikeMAN:** dude are you okay

richard is offline!

**PikeMAN:** dude you couldve turned off notifications

**PikeMAN:** Theres “do not disturb”

**PikeMAN:** Why are you still in this chat, we added you like, 4 years ago

**Gas:** *grunting noises*

**pikeMAN:** yes, and when petrol almost overtenderized you

**Beanz:** What happened before I got to camp??

**PikeMAN:** Nothing you need to worry about jermy

**Beanz:** Fartz

**PikeMAN:** Jermy…. farts

**Beanz:** with a z at the end

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {7 Online}-

**NeilSpiel:** You could’ve stayed at my house you know

**richard:** Thanks for telling me this now AFTER Ive already slept here for 2 weeks

**richard:** ITS LIKE A SECOND HOME TO ME NOW

**NeilSpiel:** Well I didnt know you were in this situation

**NeilSpiel:** anyway, if it was really that serious you could’ve used the schools bleach

**richard:** wow thanks neil

**richard:** your the one with all the bright ideas

**richard:** and telling me them AFTER ALL THIS SHIT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED

**richard:** GENIUS!!!!

**NeilSpiel:** Hey look I didnt know shit maybe if you talked to me once and a while I couldve been more useful to you

**NeilSpiel:** But no

**NeilSpiel:** You keep yourself shut up by yourself

**NeilSpiel:** And make others pity you for what

**NeilSpiel:** So you can manipulate them later?

**NeilSpiel:** You know what I have some tests I need to study for and it way more fun that dealing with your emo bullshit

**NeilSpiel:** is offline!

**richard:** FINE LEAVE ASSHOLE

**richard:** Not like you were much help

**richard:** But yea, thanks for the whole school bleach idea, I’m gonna use that in a sec

\------

Max shuts off his phone and looks up, he’s been squatting in a supply closet. He looked around then saw a container of bleach stored on the shelf above him. He quickly grabbed it and went to the home ec room to wash the towel, “finally able to go home,” he thought to himself as he poured almost the entire container of bleach into the washing machine.

\------

-The Dumbass Haven {8 Online}-

richard is offline!

**I Pee on Trees:** oh shit

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Do you have anything else to contribute

**I Pee on Trees:** Nah thats all i can say right about now

**I Pee on Trees:** Just gonna let this play out

**I Pee on Trees:** Theyll make out in a few days

**I Pee on Trees:** up*

**I Pee on Trees:** MAKE UP

**I Pee on Trees:** WAIYT NO

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Oh shit!

**I Pee on Trees:** no guys wait

**I Pee on Trees:** i meant make up

**I Pee on Trees:** seriously

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** I never pictured him as the gay type

**The Official Magic Kid:** which one

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Neil I could see being a bit queer but I thought Max was strait

**I Pee on Trees:** Guys please

NeilSpiel is online!

**NeilSpiel:** who the fuck said I was gay!

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** to be honest Nikki gave us the idea

**NeilSpiel:** NIKKI THE FUCK

**I Pee on Trees:** Im sorry I didnt mean it

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** So its true

NeilSpiel: The fuck it is

**NeilSpiel:** Im not bashing on the gay community or anything when I say this

**NeilSpiel:** But thats fucking gross

**NeilSpiel:** Me and max that is

**NeilSpiel:** Nikki why the fuck would you give them that idea

**I Pee on Trees:** I made a typo

**I Pee on Trees:** And they thought I was being serious

**NeilSpiel:** What type of typo

**I Pee on Trees:** Make out over make up

**NeilSpiel:** Nikki how the fuck do you even accomplish that

**I Pee on Trees:** It was as if the gods of typing had wanted it that way

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** What

**The Official Magic Kid:** What

**The Real Magic Kid:** What

**NeilSpiel:** What

**Aderol:** What

**A Dolf:** Vat

**I Pee on Trees:** what

~*~

-The Floral Foragers {4 Online}-

**buttercup:** guys how do I do this

**blossom:** do what

**buttercup:** do this

**buttercup:** you know this

**blossom:** tabii what the fuck I cant see what you’re doing

**buttercup:** Oh wait

**blossom:** Shut the fuck up

**buttercup:** Oof

**blossom:** Sorry I hit command v

**buttercup:** Wait what

**Bubbles:** you literally copied shut the fuck up to save time

**Bubbles:** Mythic bitch energy

**blossom:** OKAY ERIN THATS PRETTY SHITTY OF YOU TO SAY

**blossom:** ITS LIKE YOU GUYS DONT EVEN CARE ABOUT MY FEELINGS

**blossom:** JUST CUZ I DONT SAY THANK YOU ALL THE TIME DOESNT MEAN I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU

**Bubbles:** Yes, but saying shut the fuck up means you do care

**Bubbles:** right

**blossom:** THATS SUCH A BITCH THING TO SAY!

**buttercup:** tHaTs SuCh A bItCh ThInG tO sAy

**blossom:** Tabii shut the fuck up

**Bubbles:** Sasha, me and Tabii arent here for you to let off steam

**Bubbles:** We’re your friends but if you think this is friendship then we’re gonna leave

**blossom:** Holy shit erin what the fuck

**blossom:** Why do you guys

**blossom:** Always have

**blossom:** To be so mean to me

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {9 Online}-

**Aderol:** Hey @NeilSpeil wtf????

**NeilSpiel:** What?

**Aderol:** Why didn’t space kid know we have a group chat??

**richard:** does he even have a phone?

**NeilSpiel:** He said he didn’t?

**NeilSpiel:** The fuck are you on about, Ered?

**Aderol:** And you didn’t give him a way to contact you??

**NeilSpiel:** I mean, no? Oversight, yeah, but it’s too late to do anything? Ered, seriously, what the hell

**Aderol:** I had to watch some fucking eigth grade kid for this school program

**Aderol:** Guess who my infant was???

**richard:** space kid??

**Aderol:** sPACE KID

**Aderol:** Hey, what the fuck man, why’d you steal my momentum

**richard:** bc it was fuckin obvious [dubmass](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD6qtc2_AQA)

~*~

-The Floral Foragers {4 Online}-

**blossom:** guys our users fuckigg suck

**buttercup:** btihc

**Bubbles:** Sorry, Tabii, but like, Sasha’s right, we’ve had these usernames since we were like, 10

**bubbles:** wig

**buttercup:** did you just reaplu to yourself

**bubbles:** shit retreat

**Bubbles:** thats not me

**buttercup:** You think its aghost

**Bubbles:** This is throght texts

**buttercup:** An ONLINE GHOST

**blossom:** hOLY SHIT ITS JUST LIKE THAT FUCKING SKYPE HORROR MOVIE

**bubbles:** worm

**blossom:** seriously erin wtf this isnt like you

**Bubbles:** anyway we need to change our usernames


	6. Heather is a Dubm Idoit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its literally the name this is just straightforward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy we're back at it with the dumb bitch energy
> 
> quick update for once :DD  
> or at least, it was gonna be a quick update, and then i (crud) forgot to finish fixing the formatting so it took a week and a half instead of two days :DD

-The Floral Foragers {4 Online}-

  
**buttercup** changed their name to **Heather**

 **blossom** changed their name to **Heather**

 **Bubbles** changed their name to **Heather**

 **bubbles** changed their name to **duke**

 **Heather:** HEY GUYS!! I THOUGHT WE AGREED ID BE HEATHER

 **Heather:** Erin I didn’t think you were this stupid

 **Heather:** Wow Sasha I’m offended you’d even think that’s me

 **Heather:** Sorry Erin but its very hard to tell who’s who with these usernames

 **Heather:** Okay but guyzzzzzzz I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HESTHER

 **Heather:** Oh my god Tabii shut up

 **Heather:** Clearly you haven't seen the genius that is heathers

 **Heather:** So What I HAVNT SEEN IT? We said Id be heather, like the main character

 **Heather:** Tabii how dense can you be

 **Heather:** All of their names are heather, hence the name HeatherS

 **Heather:** Ohhhhhh you guys should’ve told me that before

 **Heather:** We did Tabii, so many times

 **Heather** changed her name to **Chandler**

 **Heather** changed her name to **Veronica**

 **Heather** changed her name to **Mcnamara**

 **Chandler:** There, now this makes sense

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {3 Online}-

 **I Pee on Trees:** okay, so they flower scouts changed their names to match the Heather’s, like from the movie/musical

 **I Pee on Trees:** And if they go where I think they’re going with this

 **I Pee on Trees:** …

 **I Pee on Trees:** …

 **I Pee on Trees:** …

 **richard:** just fucking say it Nikki

 **I Pee on Trees:** Well they might turn Neil into an emo dude that kills people

 **NeilSpiel:** Should I even ask nikki?

 **I Pee on Trees:** you should have many questions

 **I Pee on Trees:** But first

 **I Pee on Trees:** Have you seen heathers

 **NeilSpiel:** No…?

 **I Pee on Trees:** Ah, this will make a lot less sense then

 **NeilSpiel:** How so

 **I Pee on Trees:** Well the Heathers befriend a girl named veronica and make her pretty and stuff

 **I Pee on Trees:** Then she starts dating an emo guy

 **I Pee on Trees:** Then they kill a few people together

 **I Pee on Trees:** Then the emo guy kills himself

 **NeilSpiel:** That sounds pretty stupid

 **I Pee on Trees:** Its better if you watch it

 **richard:** Shit guys Im just gonna go over here and

 **richard:** Wait….

 **richard:** Neil…

 **richard:** Whats this in your bag

 **NeilSpiel:** What are you talking about Max?

 **richard:** Is this

 **richard:** …

 **richard:** m i ne r al w a t eR?????

 **I Pee on Trees:** oH MY gOD!!!

 **I Pee on Trees:** NEIL’S GAY!!!

 **richard:** sHIT MAN I NEVER WOULDVE GUESSED IT

 **NeilSpiel:** WTF GUYS???

~*~

-WoodScouts Troop #818 {5 online}-

 **PikeMAN:** WoodScouts, it seems as though the flower scouts have a plan

 **Snake:** What sort of plan

 **PikeMAN:** A plan to annihilate us

 **Beanz:** What are we gonna do

 **Gas:** *grunting noises*

 **PikeMAN:** What?

 **PikeMAN:** We’re not gonna annihilate them first

 **PikeMAN:** Petrol what’s gotten into you

 **Gas:** *grunting noises*

 **PikeMAN:** I understand things are a little difficult right now but we cant take our repressed anger out on them

 **Gas:** *grunting noises*

 **PikeMAN:** It’s okay petrol, I forgive you

 **richard:** how do yall even understand him?

 **richard:** ALL HE TYPES IS “*GRUNTING NOISES*”!

 **Snake:** Wait

 **Snake:** Who are you

 **richard:** what do you mean who am i

 **richard:** are you guys really that stupid

 **PikeMAN:** Guys, its max

 **richard:** What? No

 **richard:** im not max

 **richard:** im richard

 **richard:** from troop go suck my dick

 **Gas:** *grunting noises*

 **PikeMAN:** Yes Petrol, I believe its Max too

 **Gas:** *gRuNtInG nOiSeS*

 **PikeMAN:** DONT MOCK ME SOLDIER

 **Gas:** *GRUNTING NOISES*

 **PikeMAN:** PETROL!

 **Gas:** *Grunting noises*

 **Gas** is offline!

 **PikeMAN:** Petrol told me to fuck off\

 **richard:** thats fuckin metal

 **Snake:** Um…

 **Snake:** Sorry to interrupt sir but the plan

 **PikeMAN:** THAT DOESNT MATTER NOW

 **PikeMAN:** Petrol told ME to fuck off!

 **richard:** damn ma, is it really that serious

~*~

-The Dumbass Haven {3 Online}-

 **NielSpiel:** I’M NOT FUCKING GAY YOU ASSHOLES

 **richard:** but,, neil,,, the evidence is all there

 **I Pee On Trees:** yeah, Neil, haven’t you watched Heathers?? J.D. said the masterlist and… mineral water was on it, man

 **NielSpiel:** I already said I haven’t. Watched. Heathers.

 **richard:** hoes mad

 **NielSpiel:** Maz yOU’RE NOT EVEN IN MY HOUSE

 **richard:** ho the fuck is maz

 **NielSpiel:** Max*

 **richard:** no bitch too late

 **richard:** illiterate ass

 **richard:** imagine being dubm

 **I Pee On Trees:** Max are you okay

 **I Pee On Trees:** You look like you’re having a seizure

 **richard:** bitches and whores

 **Wannabe Shakespeare** is Online!

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** literally what the fuck max

 **richard:** who

 **richard:** there is only richard

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** :0

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** you suck ass in your free time, don’t you

 **richard:** no u

 **NielSpiel:** reverse card

 **I Pee On Trees:** scrabble!

 **richard:** id call you dubm but i think you know

 **NielSpeil:** Who’s gonna tell ‘im

 **richard:** wha-

 **Wannabe Shakespeare:** Dumb

 **richard:** You mean dubm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments we're so lonely


	7. Gay Is Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the kids are going to school, they learn about each other, and something's wrong with preston....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess we're not gonna lie, but..... getting into actual plot!!! and,,,, we're back!!! after,, six,,, months,,,,,,, Very Sorry For That One, Not Gonna Lie
> 
> anyway, this chapter made me absolutely cackle jesus christ i wheezed while we were writing this AND while we were editing it w o w ,,,,, hope yall like it just as much!!  
> ~ crud
> 
> i dont remember writing half of this but i know i did  
> ~ starving artist

-The Dumbass Haven {2 Online}-

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Yo Max what extracurriculars are you taking

**richard:** wouldnt you like to know, theatre boy

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Yes, that is why I asked

**richard:** if you must know

**richard:** i like to call it fucking your mom

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** wow

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** so original

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Where’d you come up with that? 

**richard:** in your mom’s room

**richard:** jk, youre easy to annoy

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** ;^;

**richard:** lmao look at the weeb

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** (>;3;)>

**richard:** hoes mad

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** fuq

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Shit

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** My pants

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** That hurts like a butt cheek on a stick

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Help

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Please

**richard:** literally what the absolute fuck

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** the coffe

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** It is on my pants

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Ah shit it burns

**richard:** rumor has it those are worse than chemical burns

**richard:** better watch out bitch

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** FUCK WHAT????

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** bro Imma go to the band room to wash this shit, Mr A is dope

**richard:** shit

**richard:** fuck wait

**richard:** fuckin dont

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** wha

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Im outside the door

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Hey someones playing smth

\------

Preston hears the sound of instruments falling from outside the door followed by a loud “FUCK”, a few cymbals crash and there's a bass guitar carefully left in the center of the mess

\------

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** He looks kinda familiar

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Wait a minute…

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Oh shit hes gone

**richard:** fuck uhhh

**richard:** didja see his face

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** maybe

**richard:** wTF DO YOU MEAN “MAYBE”

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** possibly

**richard:** bITCH DID YOU SEE HIS FACE OR NOT

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Yes

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** porhaps

**richard:** I WILL DESTROY YOUR BLOODLINE

**richard:** I WILL CUT A HOE

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** bold of you to assume I have one

**richard:** a hoe or a bloodline

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** both

**richard:** man, thats a double L, killed yourself twice over there

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Oh by the way how long youve been playing bass?

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** 0^0

**richard:** YOU DUBM PEICE OF SHIT

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** kek

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** retreat

**Wannabe Shakespeare is offline!**

\----

-The Dumbass Haven {9 Online}-

**NeilSpeil:** Guys you won’t believe what I just found out

**I Pee On Trees:** YOURE GAY????

**NeilSpeil:** Fucking STOP with that

**A Dolf:** neine

**Goodboi69:** Guys so what if hes gay, why cant neil explore his sexuality

**Goodboi69:** …

**Goodboi69:** Chris…

**Goodboi69:** Why did you leave me

**Goodboi69:** ;~;

**richard:** not even gonna fucking touch that with a ten foot pole

**Goodboi69:** it was the summer of 99’

**richard:** no one cares

**Goodboi69:** Christ and I were good friends

**Goodboi69:** A little more than friends

**The Official Magic Kid:** dont listen to him nerf, let it all out

**richard:** you cant tell me yall actually give a shit

**richard:** doubt yall even left enough room for mr christ sir

**NielSpiel:** You weren’t even alive in 99’

**richard:** his facts are even less straight than him

**Goodboi69:** SAYS YOU

**Goodboi69:** Oh wait

**richard:** nice

**Aderol:** hol up is there some gay shit goin on

**Aderol:** Cuz I aint gay

**Aderol:** Thats toatlly uncool

**Aderol:** Heheh

**Aderol:** Heheheh

**Aderol:** Kek

**richard:** youre fooling literally no one but k

**Aderol:** Excuse me but being

**Aderol:** ...

**Aderol:** Expressive

**Aderol:** Is not the same as being gay

**Aderol:** Not that theres anything wrong with it

**Aderol:** My gay dads are pretty cool

**Aderol:** But not cuz their gay

**Aderol:** Thats just a bonus

**Aderol:** Kinda like when you get a banana split

**Aderol:** And they give you extra chocolate

**Aderol:** You dont expect it but its there

**Aderol:** And its pretty cool you know

**richard:** why . why is everyone talking so much today

**The Real Magic Kid:** bc youre a whore max

**richard:** aw shit you caught me

**richard:** wait wait wait ered

**richard:** being gay is a bonus now?? thought it was totally uncool two minutes ago

**richard:** or are your facts,,,,, gay

**Neil:** whoa

**Nielspiel:** WHO THE FUCK INVITED SPACE KID

**Aderol:** i did. Is there a problem?

**Nielspiel:** UEA THERES A FU KING PROBLEM, CONSULT THE GROUP BEFORE YOU DO THIS KINDA SHIT

**Nielspiel:** THE LEAST WE COULDVE DONE SI FORM A GROUP WITHOUT HIM IN IT AS AN ESCAPE

**richard:** jesus christ, yall are losers

**Neil:** Wait, escape from what?

**richard:** nothing you need to worry ab space kid

**richard:** SK??

**richard:** sk,,,,,

**I Pee On Trees:** skskskskskskkskskskskskksksk

**NielSpiel:** NIKKI WHERE’S YOUR FUCKING HYDROFLASK

**richard:** nikki ill fucking evict you

**The Official Magic Kid:** skskkskskskskskskksksksk

**The Official Magic Kid:** is offline!

**richard:** NERRIS YOU BITCH!

**The Official Magic Kid:** is online!

**The Official Magic Kid:** skskskkskskskskskskks

**richard:** nerris

**The Official Magic Kid:** Skskskskskks

**richard:** NERRIS

**The Official Magic Kid** is offline!

**NeilSpeil:** what a chad

**NeilSpeil:** NO NOT A CHAD

**NeilSpeil:** A CHODE

**NeilSpeil:** SHE IS CHODE

**The Official Magic Kid** is online!

**The Official Magic Kid:** Thanks Neil

**richard:** BITCH!!

**The Official Magic Kid** is offline!

**richard:** you cant avoid me forever!

**The Official Magic Kid** is online!

**The Official Magic Kid:** watch me

**The Official Magic Kid** is offline!

**richard:** fuckin hell

**richard:** actually wait holy shit

**richard:** wtf guys Actual Serious

**richard:** for no. particular reason. how would one help another. Not Have a Panic Attack.

**A Dolf:** Drink bleach

**richard:** gU ys l a d s

**richard:** other than dolph

**I Pee On Trees:** yee

**richard:** how does one help friend out of Panic Attack?? bc im… Concern

**richard:** also if anyone tells anyone i wrote that ill tear out your fucking throat

**I Pee On Trees:** ngl

**I Pee On Trees:** Thats kinda shrexy

**richard:** JESUS CHRIST NIKKI 

**richard:** l ads. Pal is having the Not Fun No Breathe time

**richard:** h elp

**NielSpiel:** Dude, just breathe

**richard:** NOT ME DUBMASS

**GoodBoi69:** Then who

**richard:** fuckin preston holy shit

~*~

-The Floral Foragers {4 Online}-

**Macnamara:** Okay guys Im really stressed

**Chandler:** Why tabii

**Macnamara:** Idk i think something big happened

**Macnamara:** Like in the storyline ig

**Chandler:** what?

**Macnamara:** Idk it just feels like something huge happened and we’re just here to break the tension

**Chandler:** Tabii are you okay?

**Macnamara:** its as if our existence here is only for comic relief and not much else

**Macnamara:** we are meant to be funny if not we have no purpose

**Veronica:** Tabbi…?

**Macnamara:** ITS TABII WITH TWO EYES BITCH

**Chandler:** C’MON ERIN!!! THATS HER ONE RULE!

**duke:** oh shit she knows

**duke:** guess I gotta see what’s goin’ on with Preston brb

**Chandler:** Who the fuck is Preston??


	8. low blows all around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things heat up, max is actually a decent friend, and preston reveals some things.
> 
> tw:  
> mentions/description of panic attacks (its not graphic but. fair warning)  
> reference to trauma (no explanation as to what said trauma is, just mentions that it exists)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, usually id say smth stupid here, but with the blm protests and everything going on right now i just wanted to say: stay strong. change takes time, but things will get better. remember: do what you can, but your own health is most important. you can't help others if you're falling apart.  
> -crud and StarvingArtist 
> 
> MORE LIGHTHEARTED OH MY GOD THIS CHAPTER WAS HELL TO WRITE. THE JOKES ARE SO EASY BUT. ANGST THATS DONE AT LEAST DECENTLY??? HOLY HELL THATS A DOOZY, WE DID OUR BEST. SOME OF IT IS DRAWN FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE BUT IF IT SUCKS OR FEELS RUDE IN SOME WAY. LET US KNOW. PLEASE. also uwu this was also fun to write despite the struggle and stress of this chapter's content. hhhh. Stress. lmao.  
> \- crud
> 
> Hello lads, the world has gotten really serious right now and I haven’t been following anything. I have not left my house in 3 months. This is a serious problem. BUT BESIDE THAT, this chapter touches on some serious subject matter and we tried to handle it with as much respect as we could while still trying to keep it a bit light hearted. The last thing we want is for our readers to become depressed. It is a very thin line to walk but I think we handled it as best as we could. (Ngl this is the first dive into character arcs… expect more of that)  
> \- StarvingArtist

**-Woodscouts Troop #818 {5 Online}-**

**PikeMAN:** Guys, have you seen Petrol

**Snake:** what do you mean

**PikeMAN:** Hes been missing for 3 days

**PikeMAN:** I tried to contact his mother

**PikeMAN:** but she didnt respond

**Beans:** Why is it such a big deal that he's missing

**PikeMAN:** You dont understand Jeremy

**PikeMAN:** Petrol is a bit

**PikeMAN:** ...

**PikeMAN:** Special

**PikeMAN:** When it comes to certain things

**PikeMAN:** His emotions for example

**PikeMAN:** When they go unchecked he can lose complete control over himself

**Beans:** How so

**PikeMAN:** I dont want to go into it, it’s petrol's business

**PikeMAN:** if he wants to tell you that's fine but I'm not saying anything

**Snake:** where would Petrol be?

**PikeMAN:** Last time something like this happened Petrol went

**PikeMAN:** …

**PikeMAN:** to his house

**Snake:** how is he missing if he's at his house?

**PikeMAN:** No snake

**PikeMAN:** his old house

**PikeMAN:** Its practically destroyed now but he used to always go there

**Snake:** why would he go to his old run down house?

**PikeMAN:** because it's the last time he was happy

**Snake:** isnt he happy now

**PikeMAN:** I'm not sure, I met petrol after the incident, he's getting better but he's not normal either

**richard:** why the hell are you talking like that, either tell us what's going on or dont

**richard:** what's with this pronoun game you're playing

**PikeMAN:** SHUT UP!

**PikeMAN:** ITS CALLED BUILDING TENSION

**PikeMAN:** YOU KNOW I WAS GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH HIM BUT FUCK THAT

**PikeMAN:** YOU CAN GOOGLE IT IF YOU WANT MAX BUT IM NOT TELLIN YOU SHIT

**richard:** wow, that's really dubm

~*~

**-The Dumbass Haven {9 Online}-**

**richard:** thanks for the help guys, he’s calmed down now

**NeilSpeil:** Wait I need a second to process this

**NeilSpeil:** Preston

**NeilSpeil:** Preston Goodplay

**NeilSpeil:** Had a panic attack?

**richard:** yes

**NeilSpeil:** but why

**NeilSpeil:** how

**NeilSpeil:** did you cause it

**richard:** No

**richard:** At least I dont think I did

**richard:** We were just sitting here then he started to spaz out

**richard:** He started to gasp for air and stuff

**richard:** And I dont know how to deal with this type of shit

**NeilSpeil:** well

**NeilSpeil:** is he at least okay now

**richard:** Yeah

**richard:** he seems fine now

**Aderol:** vibes

**\------**

**A Dolf:** you know…

**A Dolf:** I’ve been thinking about it

**A Dolf:** But the Nazi’s were not so bad

**Aderol:** uh

**richard:** uh

**I Pee On Trees:** uh

**NielSpeil:** [https://pm1.narvii.com/6539/633cfd19d5ec67bde4ed31441f4bc5af8e82173e_hq.jpg](https://pm1.narvii.com/6539/633cfd19d5ec67bde4ed31441f4bc5af8e82173e_hq.jpg)

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** uh

**A Dolf:** Let’s dance!

**I Pee On Trees:** OH SHIT PRESTONS BACKKK!!!

**Aderol:** Whoa preston… are you okay?

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Never better!

**richard:** i dont like being involved but,,, thats a bold faced fucking lie

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** What do you mean

**richard:** bruv you were just having a panic attack

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** More of a flashback than a panic attack, actually, please use the Proper Terminology

**I Pee On Trees:** OOO FLASHBACK?! WHAT WAS IT ABOUT??!?!??! TELL ME TELL ME TELL MEEEEEE

**NeilSpeil:** Nikki,,, not the time

**richard:** Yea nikki shut the fuck up

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Oh dont worry, its nothing serious

**I Pee On Trees:** Okay, sure, its nothing serious

**I Pee On Trees:** BUT WHAT WAS IT ABOUT

**NeilSpeil:** Nikki. Not. The. Time.

**NeilSpeil:** Also, Preston, dude, I’d love to believe you,,, but you had fucking  _ Max _ worried

**richard:** yea dude i never worry, im a p r o f e s s i o n a l at not caring ab my friends

**A Dolf:** Yea, remember when you ditched us

**A Dolf:** And never came back

**A Dolf:** Cuz I do

**richard:** which time

**A Dolf:** See??

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Fine Ill talk

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** I’m okay i guess

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Honestly,, dont really remember it??

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Like, i remember the whole Not Breathing and Panicking thing

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** IT’S KINDA LIKE DREAM RULES

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** I REMEMBER WHILE I’M THERE BUT ONCE I LEAVE, I DON’T REMEMBER ANYTHING

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** But my body does, so Im still,,,, Not Breathing?? Yknow??

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Ive been gasping for air for 90% of this conversation

**richard:** shit you need me to go over there?? im near

**GoodBoi69:** HAHAHAHAHAH THATS GAY!!!

**GoodBoi69:** Not that theres anything wrong with being gay

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Nonono this happens a lot, yall just usually dont see it

**NeilSpeil:** that literally is not reassuring in the slightest

**Neil:** That’s no good

**NeilSpeil:** Shut the fuck up space kid

**NeilSpeil:** The grown ups are talking

**GoodBoi69:** Preston… you need to talk about your negative emotions

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** But consider: no

**The Official Magic Kid:** denied

**The Real Magic Kid:** Dude seriously, that shit can build up and come out in catastrophic ways

**The Real Magic Kid:** Believe me, I know

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Okay, harrison, I’ve been dealing with these for a while

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Since I was like 8 or so

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Anyway, I dont think Im going to be making any kids disappear, thanks for the advice tho

**The Real Magic Kid:** Low blow dude, but still. You gotta talk to someone

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Fine, but I’ll be honest

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** I really don’t want to talk about it, because I genuinely don’t know all that much and it scares me so

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Uh.

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** My grandma told me it has to do with my parents?? She wouldn’t go into detail, though, so uhhh,, L for Me I guess

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** Maybe its something genetic

**NeilSpeil:** Preston, man,,, I really don’t think this is genetic

**NeilSpeil:** I mean, obviously, I’m not a therapist or neurologist or anything but,,

**NeilSpeil:** This really reads like trauma, dude

**NeilSpeil:** Anything you can think of??

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** No.

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** So.

**Wannabe Shakespeare:** I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.

**Wannabe Shakespeare** is Offline!

  
~*~

**-Floral Foragers {3 Online}-**

**Mcnamara:** Okay guyssssss

**Mcnamara:** Its happening again

**Veronica:** What tabii

**Mcnamara:** The feeling that we’re fucking clowns

**Mcnamara:** And something serious happened

**Veronica:** YEA SOMETHING SERIOUS HAPPENED NIEL IS SITTING NEXT TO ME IN BIO

**Mcnamara:** NO ERIN!! I MEAN REALLY SERIOUS! Like, I have chills right now

**Veronica:** Okay Tabii what do you think happened.

**Mcnamara:** I dont know it’s just very serious

**Mcnamara:** And I know someone could’ve died

**Veronica:** Lol I doubt it tho

**Mcnamara:** LOLOL OKAY GUESS SO

**duke:** hEy HoW aBoUt We ChAnGe ThE sUbJeCt fOr A sEc

**Mcnamara:** What?

**Veronica:** HEYYYYYYY MAYBE WE SHOULD GO TO GUESS!!!!

**Mcnamara:** OMG THAT’S SUCH A GOOD IDEA

**Veronica:** LET’S MEET THERE AT 3 THEN GET FROYO

**Mcnamara:** PINKBERRY

\-----

**Chandler:** YOU WHORES I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WENT TO GET FROYO WITHOUT ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> p,,,please comment,,,, theyre very motivating ,,,,,, :)) we like them Big Much Yes Indeed


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